Happy Soda

[LackingHumanity]

HAPPY SODA inc.

Happy Soda brings happiness to all

Your life is meaningless without the Soda

The Soda makes you normal.

The Soda keeps you sane.

Yield to the Soda, YIELD.

OVERVIEW AND BRIEF HISTORY
Happy Soda was made by Charlie Happy of the Happy Clan in Pensylvania, who was born on Christmas Day to a woman who did not use contriceptives (Bless her for she is fruitful) but instead made a thousand young for her husband and only her husband. Charlie Happy made Happy Soda using American Spirit, a bible and Happy grass, plus a healthy dose of Church wine.

Happy Soda was an instant hit and cured people of such ilnesses as colour, gender, religion, liberalism and homosexuality, making them all Conservative white male Christian Americans.

Thus we celebrate Christmas in celebration of Charlie Happy's birth, who lives upon his throne, atop the darkest mount of ashes.

[LackingHumanity]

Ok, I wrote the Soda stats when I was like two minutes away from a 12 hour shift and desperate to get it done but now that I have a little time.

When first you taste the sweet happy of the Soda, record Happiness: 5% on your character sheet (works for most systems) and for every time then on that you drink the soda add 2 to the percentile after the column (7%, 9%, 11% ecc), then refer to the table below and if your happiness exceeds the percentile on the left, your character will receive the effect on the right.

Happiness/Effect
10%/From now on you would do back flips for a bottle of happy soda.
13%/You become more normal, from now on your gender is male.
20%/You develop an interesting taste for cheap Khaki suits.
24%/You would walk on glass for a bottle of happy soda.
30%/You must drink happy soda every day or you will lose control of your character for five minutes.
50%/No matter what your race you are now a respectible white American human, even if America doesn't exist in your campaign setting.
56%/You would give away all your worldly possesions for a bottle of Happy Soda
60%/You get the urge to find a fruitful wife and make a family of 1d6 children, all of whom drink happy soda.
70%/You would kill the ruler of your country for a bottle of happy soda
90%/You immedietly drop your current occupation and start working in Charlie happy's soda factory
100%/You become a normal, happy human being.